So let’s say you’ve been darting around outer space running interplanetary errands and you decide to stop somewhere for a bite, when lo and behold, not only do you land on this planet but you also touch down in the good old U. S. of A. And all you’ve been told about this extraordinary–looking country they call America is one thing: we make the very best movies and television shows of all, and we’re also the birthplace of the most fabulously talented musicians, singers & songwriters to ever hum or play a few bars. By now, you and all of your orbiting friends have had it with the hyperbole that’s been circulating for light years about the genius of American entertainment. So you decide to see for yourself what all the hooplah’s about. You beam down in Hollywood — because someone said that was the place to start — and you’re presented with the day’s top stories as spawned from this cauldron of talent, creativity and inspiration. Here goes: Lindsay Lohan’s out of jail, Charlie Sheen’s never going to have to go into jail (he’ll do his time in rehab, thank you), they’re making a movie (and specifically not calling it a concert film) about Justin Bieber’s 16-year old life, and the cast of Baywatch has decided to reunite for a documentary-style reality show. That’s what’s happening. And what you don’t know is that it’s not even a slow news day. Oh wait – there’s one more – Lady Gaga, who may most closely resemble your extraterrestrial kinsman – is releasing a new album of remixes today – expected to sell like hot cakes. Welcome to Tinseltown. Now, with the exception of the Lady Gaga CD, what do our headlines say about our obsession with incarceration, humiliation and constant regeneration? And the unhealthy obsession with Justin Bieber? We’re also told he has authored a memoir. Now, what I wonder is – how do they break a book like that down? Which chapters are devoted to The Early Years? And what do they call the years after The Early Years in Justin’s life? Fear not: I shall buy the book and illuminate it for all. That is, if it’s not sold out. On a more serious note, we do have an obituary. Now what are the chances that I would be asking you about famous advertising pitchmen, pitchwomen and pitchcreatures on the very same day that we learn about the passing of one of the best: Dan Resin – otherwise know as the Ty-d-Bol Man. Who could forget dapper Dan (who also played Dr. Beeper in Caddyshack) and enjoyed work on Broadway as well? Resin succumbed this past weekend to Parkinson’s disease at age 79. RIP. Now since I have nothing further to add to the police blotter of news items today, let’s focus on something upbeat. It’s time to revisit summer weddings, because there have been tons of them. Big ones. Lavish ones. And so what if most Hollywood marriages either don’t last or weren’t love-based to begin with – somebody got to have a fantastic party. Speaking of which let’s look at a few of this summer’s most popular ones. (BTW, we don’t have all the photos yet but we can tell you that PCA’s own Queen Latifah attended at least one of this weekend’s fetes – along with U2’s Bono – on the isle of Corsica). So here are four summer celebrity weddings; I want you to think about which one looks like the most fun. Voice your choice in today’s featured poll and tell us which of these weddings you’d like most to have attended as a guest:
1) Chelsea Clinton
2) Megan Fox
3) Carrie Underwood
4) Alicia Keys
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