Another Movie Day – with three brand new films at your disposal, although given the level of gore, C4, and horror connected with each of them, you might want to dispose of moviegoing altogether and get to work printing those at-home Emmy ballots. Just FYI, the flicks are are 1) Takers (about a bank heist, and explosions, starring Hayden Christensen, and explosions, and Matt Dillon, and explosions, and that’s all I got from the trailer. It also stars Chris Brown who’s pretty absent from most of the trailer, which may or may not be curious, given his billing. Then we have 2) The Last Exorcism, which is getting lots of buzz because it’s a doc-style shaky-cam look at a preacher who agrees to try and remove the devil from a seriously terrifying-looking girl. I predict major Paranormal Activity/Blair Witch style word-of-mouth here, although if it were up to me, The Last Exorcism would be the Last Exorcism Movie anybody made for a really, really long time. The other movie is 3) Centurion which is set in Roman Britain in 117 AD. Does that tell us enough? This movie also happens to have an extremely attractive cast, but they’re all so covered in mud and blood and 117 A.D. misty smoke that you wouldn’t know it. So that’s what’s out there. By the way, saw a great movie this week: Nanny McPhee Returns. It stars of course Emma Thompson and she appears right when everything seems most hopeless for a family– she’s pretty much the Michael Clayton of nannies – and it’s funny and smart and great for kids and the adults who bring them and I would recommend it plenty. But none of those films will blow everyone away at the box office. Particularly since The Expendables will continue to make money hand over fist whether anyone you know sees it or not. And I’m betting someone you know has, because there are an awful lot of people who just cannot resist a little Sly. And Dolph. And Jet. And Jason, And Steve. And Eric. And Charisma. Among many others. Sheesh – maybe all they needed was to get everyone in the cast to bring a few family members to see it, and pow! – it was an instant box-office smash based on numbers alone. Now I have to wonder about this Charisma Carpenter. Allegedly named for a perfume, she was a San Diego Chargers cheerleader before Aaron Spelling found her and then all the Buffy & Angel stuff happened. But let’s take a step back. What I want to know is, with a name like that, what do they call you as a newborn? How are you presented to the world? Did her mother send a note out to expectant friends and family saying “Thanks for your suggestions – and while we definitely considered Chloe, Zoe, Tiffani, Ava, Britni, Taylor & Skyler, we’ve decided to go with Charisma!” And another thing. When were any of her peers old enough to know what this kid’s name meant? Like the neighbors’ children: “Jordan, can you say hi to Cha-ris -ma?” Do we suppose she was teased in grade school because her name is a pretty common vocab word? Call me old fashioned (or, in this case you could just go ahead and use my actual birth name which is Antiquity) but I think some kids nowadays have it tough with the outrageous names that carry so much pressure to be something. Or at least to look spectacular. Fortunately for Miss Carpenter, she is and she does, so it’s a moot point.
1) Bristol Palin
2) David Hasselhoff
3) Florence Henderson
4) Michael Bolton
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