10 Things to Learn from Vogue’s Latest September Issue

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I’d like to introduce you to my new best friend: She’s sharp yet classy, fashion forward yet loves herself some vintage, fierce yet impossibly feminine. She’s a trendsetter and not afraid to be voluptuous.  In fact, she refuses to conform to the size standards that plague our billboards and TV screens and glossy, high fashion pages.  Her name is September, and she is nearly 1000 pages thick.

The September Issues of the world’s monthly mags are an undertaking of behemoth proportions.  They are packed to the brim with new fall looks from the earth’s biggest fashion houses, breathtaking advertisements for everyone from Chanel and Prada to The Gap and Target and they feature the brightest, most recognizable (read: most profitable) Hollywood stars on their covers. This year’s September cover girls include the likes of Emma Stone (Interview) Katy Perry (Elle) Kate Middleton (Vanity Fair) Nicole Kidman (V) and Jennifer Lopez (InStyle) to name just a few.

And while the September issue is important to every publication for the ad dollars alone, nothing can compare to the Queen Bee of them all: Vogue. She’s the biggest and baddest; the Beatles among mere wedding bands (OK that’s a stretch, but you get the point). There’s even a documentary about the world’s preeminent magazine issue titled, wouldntcha know, The September Issue. Planning begins months and months in advance and photo shoots take place all over the world.  While I highly suggest you invest in a copy of your own, I’ve done the dirty work on her this time around. The following is what I learned about Vogue’s 2012 September Issue:

  1. Scoliosis is NOT a laughing matter – As it says on the cover, there are “916 Pages of Spectacular Fall Fashion For All” within this phonebook-sized issue.  There are also 916 pages of back pain inducing ads, interviews, recollections, essays, beauty tips, letters from the editor, considerations, mastheads, etc. etc. etc.  So when you slap down the $5.99, beware the physical ramifications and be sure whisper over and over, “Beauty is pain,” “Beauty is pain,” “Beauty is pain.”
  2. Lady Gaga loves side ponytails, hates truth – It takes just over 800 pages to reach Gaga’s cover story, and the build up is sort of a let down. While we learn that Mother Monster has calmed down a bit in the last few years, nothing truly astonishing is revealed about the star. Unless of course, you’d also die for a side pony.
  3. Vogue is 120 years old – And she doesn’t look a year over 39.
  4. If Chelsea Clinton can rock a peplum skirt, we can too – Full disclosure: I didn’t actually read the “coming into her own” story on Chelsea that was buried in the back…but she looks great in the photos!
  5. Speaking of trends, TRENDS – Pull on your pant suit, grab your colorful fur coat (but don’t tell PETA), straighten your bolo tie and top off the look with a fashionable cowboy hat and you are ready to attack the world with the fiercest fall trends. Well, maybe leave the western-style bolo at home.
  6. Blake Lively has over 100 perfumes in her personal collection. Sit on that for a second.
  7. We (I) must brush up on our knowledge of art, fashion, society, etc. –As a self-described know-it-all, I’m surprised there are approximately one million names dropped within these 916 pages that I have never heard of, which must be rectified, STAT. Ergo, the Wikipedia pages for Alberto Giacometti (sculptor), Andrei Voznesesky (poet), Barbara “Babe” Paley (socialite) better watch out.
  8. Food still has a place in fashion – In a staggering four-page spread, chef extraordinaire Thomas Keller is celebrated for becoming a farmer.
  9. There are six 2012 PCA winners featured on Vogue’s list of 120 fashion trend setters – As the first major event of the year, we’ll take credit for that one Emma Stone, Jennifer Lawrence, Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, Rihanna and Adele.
  10. This magazine is long – But I don’t need to tell you that, right? You’re exhausted just reading this recap!

So I must say,”Thank you” to my new best friend. With your leadership and guidance, I am now able to face the changing season with my head on straight, and a color-blocking fur coat on my shoulders. You’re honest and lovely, but man, are you a back-breaker.

Voice your choice in today’s poll and tell us which September cover girl is your favorite:

Miley Cyrus (Marie Claire)

Selena Gomez (Teen Vogue)

Lea Michele (Nylon)

Gwen Stefani (Harper’s Bazaar)

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